Head Hopping
You may have heard the term “head hopping” in writer’s classes. I learned about it in a writer’s online workshop. It happens with an unannounced shift in characters’ dialogue or actions.
Crystal Shelley, at Rabbit with a Red Pen, describes it this way: “The problem becomes when head-hopping occurs in the middle of a scene or without a clear indication of a shift. When the reader is following along with one character’s story, these sudden windows into another character’s thoughts or actions can be jarring.”
Here’s a brief example of something that could confuse the reader.
Shelley and her friend go for a walk.
“That movie we saw last night, was it ever amazing! It was like I was right there with the main character. Ever had that happen to you?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
The Problem
We don’t know what Shelley is saying and if/where her friend, whoever it is, picks up the conversation. While there are quotation marks around the speech, we don’t know who said what.
A Solution:
Speech tags, such as he said or she said, help the reader along. We know who’s saying what. Action tags, where the character does something while speaking, also helps the reader know who is doing or saying what. There will always be a new paragraph when another character speaks.
Here’s the example again with those additions.
Shelley and Nancy are out for a walk.
Shelley stops and turns to her friend. “That movie we saw last night, was it ever amazing! It was like I was right there with the main character. Ever had that happen to you?”
This is Nancy’s cue to speak, or perhaps Nancy interrupts.
She says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. She was a great actor. And her boyfriend, he was so handsome.” (And we imagine her dreamy look.)
We have a better sense of who said what and their reactions to the movie.
Readers Need a Cue
What our instructor meant, I believe, was that readers need to have a cue when a different character speaks. A speech tag, or an action, show that the focus has shifted. It can be in either fiction or nonfiction. Understanding the character and their way of speaking or acting will also help the reader know who is speaking or acting.
Shelley, over at Rabbit with a Red Pen, also writes about the point of view that a writer uses when telling a story, but that’s a topic for a different newsletter.
Get the story written, then set it aside. You will see more clearly what needs to be changed when you go back to it. Then read it slowly. Check for speech tags. Do they make sense? Check for actions that identify the character. Do a character sketch. It may help you identify particular characteristics that make each person in the story an individual. If you’re stuck on a character, jump to another piece of writing or a different part of the story, then come back later to the part that gave you trouble. Most of all, stay with your writing.
Note:
If you’re interested in following this topic, here’s another blogger’s post on omniscient point of view versus “head hopping.” https://storyempire.com/2023/
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